


A little fantasy life

by AlexBearPolar



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-01-29
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:46:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2258049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexBearPolar/pseuds/AlexBearPolar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This feels perfectly realistic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A little fantasy life

**Author's Note:**

> This little thing comes without a Beta. Read at your own risk. Any feedback &/ help welcome! :)

Well, where shall we start？

We met on-line years before we met in real life for the first time, which was not a known fact to us for quite a while. Some of the things we liked overlapped and we saw the same piece of art and you read the comments I left behind and that's that.

We were both teenagers then. My world view would change a lot in the years to come. Not sure about you.

Well, yeah, you did tell me about you. Still not sure.

\\\\\

We became instant best-friends, or, you know, not really. I wanted both to fit in and to not make an effort for it and soon discovered it was not to be. I then decided to go for what I want if and when I deemed it worthy.

There was a party. There were some play-couples. There was some more wine than was clever. I wanted to play and asked you to be my play-partner without really seeing it happening but trying anyway. You said yes. I said sure.

Some guys tried to argue me out of it. I did not know nor care whether it was a joke or healtfelt. I said it was none of their business and was entirely up to you and listened no further to them.

I got seriously drunk that night and kept calling for you when you were right by my side.

By the way, I had always felt you were way cool and way out of my league.

By morning, only a few others still remembered it. At least it seemed that way.

By next month, only us two.

\\\\\

You know, I can't remember what came next. And next. And next. I remember pieces but can't place them time wise or by cause and effect. We seemed to live our lives and spend some little time together here and there and become quite close before I knew it.

I started to worry.

I often, well, "got tired" of my friend after a certain point in our friendship. I would have to start to tolerate him or her whom I used to like. Then I would not bother even that.

I wanted to get closer to you 'cause I fancied you a lot by then.

I also wanted to stay exactly where I was or even take some steps back 'cause I did not want to lose you, which demanded my regard for you to stay warm.

We got closer.

I lost another friend.

We stayed close.

\\\\\

I started to think about some issues I had not cared to, for you. Caused, not asked, by you.

Like worry about my looks.

Or my inner depths.

You reshaped me by reshaping my thoughts about people, which was about the only way I and change ever got along fine. Still is, really.

One day, out of the blue, by the lake, we talked about Death. You said you would commit several cases of murder before your departure, or one case of mass murder. I'm not sure which now. Either I did not understand your wording at the time and did not ask, or I did but lost it in time. The point, such as it is, is that you would take life.

I don't doubt that for a second.

\\\\\

Let's backtrack a little and outline you a bit more. You can do great art, which I followed closely for the whole ten months while I was trying out the social network, as it were. I never lost interest, but none would know it from the way I dropped out of that circle of your life.

You know a fair amount about dreams and minds and the like. By fair, I mean that I have no idea how much you do or do not know. It isn't my field, as in, many are not.

You know enough to tell me what you think my dreams mean several times in a row without me finding fault with your logic. When I had a dream I was real curious of, I would sometimes ask your opinion if I thought it wouldn't inconvenience. There were also dreams I wanted to tell you all about for the fun bits and yet decided not to, believeing that you would see through the many layers and see me.

My belief was that you didn't see me, not really, not in a way that truly mattered, though you saw more than anyone other than me ever saw and will see. It was reconfirmed by your kind words often, nicely said. It was also comfortably supported by the little fact of me saying little and telling less.

That situation changed a bit since then. I tell more now, thus you see more. Usually, when you ask. 

\\\\\

That's about enough background for the scene I had in mind when I started this and the changes I made on it since then. Though far from our whole history.

Now's just the matter of putting it into words. I'm not confident I will not disappoint. Me, I mean.

There was a phase while I just didn't do social at all. Every bird for itself. I remember sincerely believing that and acting accordingly. At first, you were the exception that proved the rules. After a while, not so much. Though you were still special.

I took a short break from my phase one day when you treated me exactly the way you always did first chance you got. That's to say, first time I didn't walk out of my way to aviod people, 'cause I couldn't, because Teamwork. 

I then decieded to treat you back half the way I always did. I always felt I owned you an apology and a headsup though others nothing. I decided to give you both that day. That night I did.

I had never before done things I regreted enough to want to apologise for. Alternatively, I had never known to regret my choices of words and action once I chose them deliberately. Translation: I didn't know how to give an apology and give it a chance of being accepted besides.

I did know that apologies do not have to be accepted, which was a small plus.

I didn't know that so-called explaintions do not belong in apologies, which was a big minus.

In the end, I went with my guts and told you the edited truth.

You response gave me the impression that you felt I was seeking attention. Who knows? Maybe I was. What mattered then and still matters now is that you accepted the apology. 'Least you said as much. 

I feel there has to be a cut.

\\\\\

We were elbows deep in Exam Week and you promised to say more right after. In fact, I was promised a letter but only got your wording until after I saw said letter.

In the letter you told in detail your impression of me. They were all kind and highly positive. I could relate a little because I myself also felt that I was a better person when with you than elsewere. But the majority feeling I had was that you were not being truthful with me after I was oh so truthful last time we talked. Had the ten-month network trial not happened, I would have probably felt the same but to a lesser degree. It had happened, though, during which I had learnt much about you and developed some conclusions of my own. Honestly, I just couldn't see my way to believing you would think that highly of me and thus I felt so betrayed.

I told you to drop it and gave you some half-assed reasons along with.

You promptly did.

Yet the bitter taste stayed.

\\\\\

Yup, that's the scene. But the story went on. Half a year more of our friednship &/ acquaintanceship later, I started to believe you and your kind words. I still could not and probably would not figure out why you would think them but they did appear to be your true thoughts.

Just one of the many mysteries of you and riddles of life, I suppose.

Enough said.

\\\\\

One day, I was on the sub-way and looked into the window and saw myself looking back. I thought to myself, quote un-quote, I see in myself today what I see in whom I admire.

\\\\\

End.


End file.
